Well, I wasn't going to post again, but my mind is muddled so I'm going to work through it with you guys. We left Beit Sahour early. We were counting down the days really, we couldn't wait to get away from there. I am pretty sure now that I was extremely dehydrated. I was being so careful not to drink the water and we were running low on our clean water, so I was pretty ready to get back to Beit Yehuda too. My birthday was at the beginning of the week. Zach and Bri managed to surprise me with a cake, which is quite a feat considering I don't think I have been surprised but a few times in my life. So brownie points to all the people who managed to put that together AND keep it a secret considering I was living in the same space they were all cooking it in.
So now we have been at Beit Yehuda for a day or two and we are leaving...I am contemplating returning and what that will look likef. I feel like I have changed a lot but I have been away from home longer than this and changed before and it hasn't been a big deal, so really this shouldn't be different. Why is this time different? I guess because many things at home have changed without me. We have a new goat, chickens, and such. My parents are preparing to go to Zambia for a month this summer as missionaries. My dad has grown a beard. My brother is dating my best friend. And I don't even know where I fit into all of that anymore. Do I even fit into all that anymore? I have always been excited about moving on and doing new things and being able to meet new people, but something about turning 20 has really shaken me.
I knew when I left for college I would never really be able to "go back" I guess its just the more things that I do apart from home the more I realize I will never return. Its weird because my room at home looks the same as it did in high school. All my posters and horses and verses, they're still there. But nothing else remains. I have moved on. It is nice to be able to look back and see progress and know that I have moved on, but realizing that I am stepping out on my own more and more scares me a little.
One verse that has been one of my consistent favorites is Psalm 18:1-3. "The Lord is my refuge" now that I have seen Massada, the fortress and refuge that David could have had in mind when he wrote those verses, it is real to me how the Lord is my strength. I think though, that it is important to be able to look back and I feel that is what I am doing today. I am not scared because I don't know what is to come, but rather excited for knowing what God has already done so much and changed and formed me so much that I know He will continue to do big things in my life.
So here's to the last post on my Israel blog, and to moving forward, but appreciating the past. Thanks for following, I probably won't start up again until next fall so until then, shalom!
